Using my Anger...
15 years ago
Monday, December 15, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Happy Happy Joy Joy
In the spirit of spending my first-ever Christmas away from my family, I've been spending an above-average amount of time in the Jerz soothing my own guilt. Yesterday afternoon, I arrived to Casa Crazy to the phone ringing off the hook. Clearly, none of my 7 immediate relatives were home. Weird. The conversation that followed my answering the phone went something like this:
Aunt Meg (breathlessly): Mary?
Me: No. Liz.
Meg (whom I haven't seen nor talked to in no less than 5 years): Liz, hi, is your Mommy home?
Me (Mommy?): No. And in fact I've just walked in. What can I do for you?
Meg: There's been an ice storm in New Hampshire and we've been evacuated from our house and I'm running out of cell phone minutes! I only have 3 minutes left!! But we're on our way to your house with the animals...we can't keep them at a hotel...the cages are TOO BIG!
Me: What kind of animals are we talking about here Meg?
Meg: Two rabbits, two guinea pigs.
Me: I'm sure they'll get along famously with the cat.
Meg: Oh don't worry! They can be kept in cages. And one of the rabbits is VERY friendly and loves to be pet, and if you pet her, she'll fall asleep and DROOL on you, Liz!
Me: Drool! Great!
After hanging up the phone, the following went through my head, in the following order:
1. I can leave. Right now. No one has to know that I was even here. No one is home. No harm, no foul.
2. Meg doesn't know anyone between Jersey and New Hampshire - ANYONE? - who can keep an eye on her rabbits and guinea pigs? My parents are the closest geographical acquaintances who could possibly agree to look after the vermin? 4 hours away? What?
3. Will you please tell me who is using pre-paid cell phones these days?
4. Why is a rabbit drooling on me a good thing? I can think of lots of things that will drool on me, but I don't think of this as a selling point.
5. Aren't most hotels around New Hampshire basically roadside motels? Like, with a small lobby inhabited by an angry, underpaid hotel manager, with rows of rooms on a mezzanine balcony off the parking lot? And you're telling me you can't bring two sets of cages into this room? Because of the overly diligent motel staff who will stop you clear in your tracks?
6. I should definitely leave.
I didn't leave.
Instead I cried. Yes, I hung up the phone and started to cry. Not heaving tears, but tears. Then I ate a bag of chipis and ultra hot salsa and about 39 Mallowmars. Then I dragged my burning esophagus and acid stomach to BCBG and spent money I shouldn't be spending on this fantastic purple sweater which makes my arms look ALMOST as skinny as this idiot stickfigure's:
And all was right in the world.
Aunt Meg (breathlessly): Mary?
Me: No. Liz.
Meg (whom I haven't seen nor talked to in no less than 5 years): Liz, hi, is your Mommy home?
Me (Mommy?): No. And in fact I've just walked in. What can I do for you?
Meg: There's been an ice storm in New Hampshire and we've been evacuated from our house and I'm running out of cell phone minutes! I only have 3 minutes left!! But we're on our way to your house with the animals...we can't keep them at a hotel...the cages are TOO BIG!
Me: What kind of animals are we talking about here Meg?
Meg
Me: I'm sure they'll get along famously with the cat.
Meg: Oh don't worry! They can be kept in cages. And one of the rabbits is VERY friendly and loves to be pet, and if you pet her, she'll fall asleep and DROOL on you, Liz!
Me: Drool! Great!
After hanging up the phone, the following went through my head, in the following order:
1. I can leave. Right now. No one has to know that I was even here. No one is home. No harm, no foul.
2. Meg doesn't know anyone between Jersey and New Hampshire - ANYONE? - who can keep an eye on her rabbits and guinea pigs? My parents are the closest geographical acquaintances who could possibly agree to look after the vermin? 4 hours away? What?
3. Will you please tell me who is using pre-paid cell phones these days?
4. Why is a rabbit drooling on me a good thing? I can think of lots of things that will drool on me, but I don't think of this as a selling point.
5. Aren't most hotels around New Hampshire basically roadside motels? Like, with a small lobby inhabited by an angry, underpaid hotel manager, with rows of rooms on a mezzanine balcony off the parking lot? And you're telling me you can't bring two sets of cages into this room? Because of the overly diligent motel staff who will stop you clear in your tracks?
6. I should definitely leave.
I didn't leave.
Instead I cried. Yes, I hung up the phone and started to cry. Not heaving tears, but tears. Then I ate a bag of chipis and ultra hot salsa and about 39 Mallowmars. Then I dragged my burning esophagus and acid stomach to BCBG and spent money I shouldn't be spending on this fantastic purple sweater which makes my arms look ALMOST as skinny as this idiot stickfigure's:
And all was right in the world.
Friday, December 12, 2008
All.about.me.
I just installed StatCounter so I can creepily monitor the readers of my barren blog. I excitedly informed Tigerlily this morning that I had 11 visitors today, despite having ZERO posts! Turns out, I was visiting my own blog. Repeatedly. And no, I wasn't drunk. But now I *get* how the counter works, so this confusion won't happen again.
Last night I saw the Nutcracker for the 700th time at Lincoln Center. It never gets old, but I really wished one of the Snowflakes had slipped on the snow when it starts to come down really hard during the coda. That happens more than you would think. Nothing makes me shift in my seat in smug delight than hearing a bony thud at the climax of "Journey Throgh the Snow." I guess there's always next year.
I went on a shopping rampage today in which I purchased peppermint bark from Williams Sonoma and a pretty glass ornament for Lovick's parents. My mom tells me that these do not an acceptable Xmas gift make, and that one additional item should be purchased. So, that leaves us with ornament + peppermint bark + x = right amount of presents for Lovick's parents. I think this means that I will have to make yet another blind shopping excursion. Shoot me. Thanks.
Last night I saw the Nutcracker for the 700th time at Lincoln Center. It never gets old, but I really wished one of the Snowflakes had slipped on the snow when it starts to come down really hard during the coda. That happens more than you would think. Nothing makes me shift in my seat in smug delight than hearing a bony thud at the climax of "Journey Throgh the Snow." I guess there's always next year.
I went on a shopping rampage today in which I purchased peppermint bark from Williams Sonoma and a pretty glass ornament for Lovick's parents. My mom tells me that these do not an acceptable Xmas gift make, and that one additional item should be purchased. So, that leaves us with ornament + peppermint bark + x = right amount of presents for Lovick's parents. I think this means that I will have to make yet another blind shopping excursion. Shoot me. Thanks.
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